GOOD MORNING, CAMPERS! Well I'm exceptionally happy today, which is odd for being EARLY in the morning. I hope today's a great day, too. The only sucky part is marching 3rd period. I don't want to go out and get all sweaty. O well. I'm kinda anxious to see the show a week after S.F. Hopefully I won't get killed by Chubocka. She's like a mac truck when she marches. Yeah she is. O well. I like marching by her because she gets out of control..that, and she thinks everything I say is hilarious. Then again, I am pretty funny when I'm out of control. MTV is actually playing some descent music for once...Nope lied. Rap's coming on. Nigga, what?! Well that's about all, children. I'll see all of you @ school. MMMM Yeah.
So school went pretty well today. I'm still planning on getting really good grades. I'm seriously gonna strive to do my best. I can't say I wasn't severely dissapointed that I didn't have lunch w/ Zach, but o well... at least I have it w/ a few awesome ppl. *Justin, Andy, and Tits* I have high hopes for school this year. Anyway, after school, Sheldon, Donny, Thaniel, my little brother Ethan, and I all went to Micky D's. It was fun to just talk for a little while. I hope this year is like that. Mellow, and fun. Although today was really fun, I can't help but keep thinking about Anthony. I wish I could attend his viewing tonight, but thaniel isn't going, and I REFUSE to go alone. *sigh* Thaniel said he wanted to go, but he has to freakin' work. The more I think about it, I've had a few friends die. Anthony, Brandon Wailey(hunting accident), and the Real family(tragic car accident caused my Judy Kirby.)When I think about death, I get an uneasy, sad feeling. Mostly because I'm terrified of it. But, idk, for some reason, today...the thought of Anthony wasn't overwhealming. It was somewhat peaceful. I..just wonder..if these ppl had questions unanswered before they died, or if they went peacefully, knowing it was their time. I like to think the 2nd, but those questions will never be fully answered. And, for some reason, today..that's ok with me. Using one of my fav quotes today. Today's a good day to use it. "It is better to be hated for who you are, than to be hated for who you are NOT."
I'm excited about school, but extremely sad about Anthony Kiester. We had 3 classes together last year, and he went to this church my family goes to. My brother, Noah, was on the scene working on him. He said it was really gorry, or however you spell it. It makes me sick to think that someone so full of life died so young. I just remember how funny, and awesome he was, especially when he made fun of Kene. It's hard. I'm terrified of death. I wonder if he was scared to die, or even if he saw it coming....we'll never know.
So kiddos. Today is the last summer day. It's been pretty fun. Last night I went w/ Sheldon, Thaniel, and Zach to Bloomington. God, I love that town. We went to Red Lobster, which was really good, put-putting, and shopping. Red Lobster was good, but OMG. I ordered this meal, retarded like..cause I normally don't go to these type of restraunts, and it was so huge! I tried my hardest to finish it, and almost succeded, but I failed. He he. O well. Sheldon was so hilarious there. After he ordered for himself, he was like YES! I was laughing so hard that I was having trouble ordering. Then, we didn't want to spend alot of money on tipping, because mostly, I was the only one w/ money left, and I'm on a budget for school supplies, so we put like a dollar bill, a handful of change, and a stick of gum. It was easy to tell we're representing Martinsville. Ha. It was hilarious. Then, we went put-putting. Well, Zach and I didn't, but Sheldon and Thaniel did. They were out of control. Then, we went to Kohl's..like 5 mins before they closed, so randomly I grabbed a pair of jeans, a pink shirt, and a black shirt. Well, actually, Zach picked out the jeans..so if they look like crap..blame HIM. Ha Ha. I had no time to try them on, but luckily, they mostly fit. I'm in a stage between sizes. One size is too big, and another too small. Damn. O well..I'm pretty happy w/ what I got. And, everything was on sale, so I came out w/ 14 bucks left. YES! But then, we had to get gas, of course. So, I go inside to get a drink, and that's when I see them. Freezies. MMM. Sheldon was out of money, so I bought him one, and Zach got Thaniel one. They were good. Some Arabian dude was talking crazy on the phone in the store, which, of course, was really funny. It was a really fun night, and the perfect ending to a great summer. Cause, um, in case you all don't know, last night was the last SUMMER NIGHT, for tonight is a school night. Boo. Ha, O well. Bring it on. Anyway, on the ride home, Zach and I made future plans, which were fun to make. Seriously, this is the first summer I've ever been going out w/ anyone all summer, let alone be in love w/ them. I have so many memories from this summer. It was the best. I had an awesome summer, and I'm sure the best fall ever will follow. See you children bright n' early. MM yeah SHUT...THE FUCK...UP!!!!!(That went out to Manda)
Well, so far, today has been completely worthless. Mom asked me to get up early to get "back in the groove for school," but as soon as she left for work, I went back to bed. I have to be at work at 7 1/2 the time. If I know I have to get up for something, I'll get up. Sorry ppl, but I don't need practice. I ended up waking up at 11:22 when the phone rang. Stupid chink lady. School is so close that it's unreal. I keep thinking I'm gonna wake up and realize we still have a few weeks left of summer. But, on the other hand, I know it's fading fast..and there's nothing we can do to slow it down. Is it just me, or every year do the years go by faster and faster? I don't have a scale or anything, mostly cause I think as long as you look and feel good, fuck the scale..but lately, I feel so well, honestly..ugly. I'm not sure exactly why or anything, but I'm trying to cut down on food. Whether this makes me lose weight or not, I'll feel better. Last night Sheldon, Thaniel, Zach, and I all went to White Castle, which was kinda fun. I always love the nights where you just casually make plans to do something when you expected to be bored all night. After that, we went to Walmart. Heh. All roads lead there, afterall. Sheldon and Nathaniel bought some old woman shoes. They're pretty hot. ha Ha. School shopping. Yuck. So far I bought one new shirt from Hot Topic. An underoath one. I like it alot, and so far, nobody I know has it, so that's always a plus. If nothing else, a trip to Goody's would do me some good. I need some new clothes. Not only is my wardrobe suffering, new clothes just tend to make you feel better. Hopefully they'll have some 1/2 way cheap things, cause I'm on a budget. I'm looking to get 2 or 3 more shirts, a couple new bras, and a pair of jeans. It's annoying listening to other ppl rant about how their parents bought them this, this, this, ..and o yeah that too. Thaniel and Sheldon want Zach and me to go w/ them to the mall tonight. I want to go, since I have nothing better to do. But, mom's being really mean to me lately, so I don't think I'll be able to go. I want to go to look at Kohl's or Old Navy or something like that. They usually have good sales. That's about all. I'm just ranting. "No matter what changes you ever make, I'll still love you with all of me."
Well..everyday since State Fair I've got on here and tried to come up with something to sum up the summer marching season, somthing that would bring closure. But, it's Saturday, and I still have nothing. I guess I finally realized today that summer's nearing to an end. On my way home from work, I smelt the air, and I got a big wiff of summer air. I'm gonna miss it. Is it just me, or does summer air smell the best? MM. I love it. Today was just one of those days where you have a pretty good day, going thru the motions, but think thru so much more during the process. I did come to some conclusions today, however. The reason why when people talk about school, fall, winter, snow, or anything leading up to those topics I avoid them, is simply because I'm terrified of the winter. When I visulize winter, I automatically see gloomy, cold days. And, I can't say I'm not still scared, but I'm gonna try my hardest to make this the best fall/winter season, no matter how long it may seem. I finally figured, that no matter how much I dread it, or try to avoid it, it's gonna come, so this year, I won't avoid it. It can come. I'm ready. The family has been having some finacial problems lately. Really bad ones. So, of course, I give money. My bank account is so low that it makes me sad. I was wanting to buy a car in the next month. But, I'm gonna have to wait till probably October. Why so soon? Because starting next Monday, I asked my boss to put me on the schedual full time, so I can get the money quickly. I'm only going to buy a few clothes for "back to school," but, o well..It'll be hard balancing school and work, but hey, I can do it...I think.. The only part that worries me, is that this year is my Junior year, so I need to go back to getting straight As, or as close as possible. I really slacked this past year, which I'm dissapointed about, but, I can't change it, just try harder, I guess. And, I want to say sorry to someone that I think I might have hurt..if that's a good word, or maybe only disspointed. I'm sorry. It hurts me to know I hurt someone I love with all of my heart. I'll leave you with just one quote "To do something hard is bravery, but to be terrified and to still do it, that's courage. Be couragous."
Well, I haven't been on in so long, because I've been so exhausted. On weekends, I once had a time of rest, but now it's all work...damn job. I hate it. *Sigh* But, anyway, I'm gonna get my permit on Friday, so i can finally have some freedom. Lately, idk..I've had some problems..but idk, I'll be fine. And, I'm slowely starting to realize that a new school year isn't all bad...so I'll make it a positive experience. *Sigh* I won't be on here tonight, since I'm staying @ Beth Bolin's house. She's sweet. But, anyway, GOOD LUCK TO EVERYONE @ STATE FAIR. Well, I love you all. Wish me luck. Bye, kiddos. See you all in a little while. ***QUOTE OF THE DAY*** "We've worked all summer in the heat and dread. Now, let's go out and show 'em what we got." STATE FAIR 2005
***QUOTE OF THE DAY*** "Practice is the best of all instructors."
***Last night was X TREME*** ***I get to hang out w/ Zach for a few hours today* ***Mt.Dew amp is just the thing to get me out of control* ***Certain things hurt worse than expected* ***Jealousy is natural, and ugly* ***I need to pluck my eye brows* ***Today is rather cool out, which is nice* ***I need to buy new anklets* ***Last night I felt the band come together for the first time all season* ***I have a blister* ***For the first time in forever, I had a white chocolate mocha from Starbucks, which I'm drinking right now. mmmmmmmm. God, it's X TREME* ***Mom's listening to country in the family room, and it's KILLING ME* ***I sometimes wonder how I'm portrayed to other people* ***Am I lovable?* ***Actions speak louder than words* ***Don't say things, prove them* ***Only 3 days to practice before STATE FAIR* ***People change so much* ***I wonder how much I've changed* ***Am I changed for the better?* ***I think today I'll treat myself to an X TREME lemon shake up* ***Will your heart sing with pain?* ***Is this for real, or is it just a space filler?* ***I need to buy new clothes* ***I'm hyper so I hope today is X TREME*
Well that about it. I'll see all of you today later. Bye!
Hmm, well..I want to say a lot of things, but don't exactly have the energy to write in complete sentences. So, I'll just list a few things, like Sarah did. *colors blind the eyes. Sounds deafen the ears. Flavors numb the taste. Thoughts weaken the mind* ***Tonight @ rehearsal was fun. I was extremely hyper.* ***Tomorrow is our 3 month(Zach and me, I mean)* ***I went to the fair, and let me tell you, the subs are good* ***I seriously HATE when ppl touch my neck* ***Andy and Justin think I was strangled as a child* ***I'm extremely tired* ***Rehearsal was kind of boring, since we only did just like the first 11 charts* ***I have an unusual rash on my chest, which burns* ***I get sad when I think about school starting* ***Summer is my fav time of year* ***In the winter I suffer from SAD. Which is a fancy term for Seasonal Depression. I inherited it from dear ol' mom* ***I took anti depressants last winter* ***I want to shop* ***State Fair is so close.* ***I like this new dude @ band. I hope when he gets more comfortable, he's more harsh on ppl. They need it.* Well, that's about it. I'll see you all tomorrow..pretty much all day. Later kiddos.
Well, I just got back from watching a fire. The house on the corner of my street was on fire. It was so fascinating. The fire alone was interesting, but what made it tickly my fancy(haha) was the fire men, and the one fire woman. They were so swift, brave, and just knew exactly what to do. I want to be a fire woman. The sad part, however, was the family. They were at the fair when it happened. They came home in the middle of it, and immediately broke out in tears. It was so horrible to watch. But, luckely they were all safe. Their guini pigs, and 7 week old puppy were in the burning house. After about an hour, the guini pigs were found and brought out, but no sign of the puppy. It was so sad to watch this girl, scared to death that her puppy was dead.. But then, the fire man brought it over to her. It was so awesome. Anyway, you can start an emt class when you are 17, so I am seriously considering doing that. That's about all kiddos. See you all tomorrow.
Friday* Friday was a pretty fun day. I'm glad we placed 14th. It's not the best, but it's sure a start to our long journey. It sucked tho on the bus ride home, since our driver decided to separate the girls from the boys. *Sigh* It's not like we're gonna have sex on the bus....O well. I'm sure I would have been in a better mood if I was going to have something fun happen Sat, other than work @ 7 am. I'm still extremely jealous that everybody else went to DCI. *Sigh* O well... Saturday* I woke up at 6 to be @ work by 7. The day was mostly a maze. I was there, and yet I wasn't. It was easier working on 3 hours of sleep, than I thought it would be. I even worked an extra hour. 9 hours on 3 hours of sleep. What a great combo..When I got home I took a shower and then collapsed. I woke up around 8:30 and got something to drink, and then went back to bed around 10. Sunday* Today I woke up @ 7 to be @ work @ 8. I was actually refreshed. I normally get 7 hours of sleep a night, if that. It was nice to sleep. I picked up the shift today, since I decided to not go to OzzFest. A bunch of my friends from work went, tho. It made my day tho when a a really old lady came in w/ an Ozz Fest tshirt on. She was going for her 1st time, she said. That's cool, I guess. Work was pretty fun, but exhausting. Zach came in. It kinda sucked tho, cause I didn't get to talk to him. But, it was awesome, when my manager, Amber let me go early. I realized that my hair is bleachy blond today, which isn't good. I hate it when it gets like this every summer. Damn sun. It's definitely natural,but I still hate it. It kinda looks like a bottle blond, or at least I think so. O well, dying it is definitely on my list of things to do. Hmm..I'm kinda bored, so I'm gonna go practice my clarinet. I'll see you children later.
Well, last night was FUN. I had the most fun, I've had in a LONG WHILE. Seriously, it was a blast. I haven't laughed so hard in such a long time. Practice went pretty well. We finally got the drill acceptable, and put music w/ it. Given, it wasn't perfect. Ha! Not even close. But, we did it, and had a pretty good time w/ it.**Yay** For the first time in days, I had (dare I say it) FUN out on the field. It reminded me of previous years, when we would work hard, and still have SOOO MUCH FUN. Anyway, after rehearsal last night, Andy, Zach, Thaniel, and me all went to White Castle, which was HILARIOUS. This chinese, lady kept staring at us, and everytime she would look, Andy and Thaniel would yell HELLO? FUCK! It wasn't exactly the highlight of the night, but it was still pretty freaking funny. The highlight in general was just being w/ a few friends, laughing to death, and having a care-free fun time, on a cool, summer night. Andy and Thaniel, of course, even managed to steal a sign. Then, we all ran out of there, as if the po-po (Ha!) were chasing us. But, nobody even turned a head. Once again, HILARIOUS. And, after I found a brand new pack of un-opened cigarettes, everybody took turns smashing them into the ground, and then Thaniel threw them on the roof of White Castle..where they'll rest forever. That's where they belong. :D Today we still have a bunch to clean, but I'm certain it will be much better than last week, which is nice to expect. We had to do push-ups today. They're supposed discipline us, but I can't help but laugh to myself. The entire band is humping the ground, myself probably included. Well, that's about it. My neck got a little burnt today. But, hey, I'm not complaining...I mean, I'll be a red-neck. But, this is Martinsville..not only is it acceptable, it's encouraged. Ha Ha. Well, kiddos, I'll see you all tonight. Bye Bye** ***CALL THE PO-PO HO**
Every sit there, and stare at a blank screen, trying to figure out, how to get the words out, to express the amount of emotions you feel? I normally get to the "update page" and have no problem. I'm a great writer, but it's hard to express myself, when I'm not sure how to say it. Well...to say the least bit about the last few days,....W0W. Band, recently has been, discouraging. I'm sure you all are sick of hearing about it, and I'm really sorry. It's just, it upsets me to no end. Once again, I have a super bunch to say, so I'll make a cut. But, before I do, I wanna say THANK YOU to Sarah, Devon, and Amanda who took time to comment on my last entry. It was nice. I really needed encouragment at the time. So, thanks guys. Love you. Anyway, I'll see you all back @ band in a few hours.
Well, last night I was so upset that I didn't even want to get on here and vent about it, which is pretty bad. See, yesterday went excellent in some spots, and horribly in others. I'll make a cut to save space and all that jazz..
Other than that, I had a great day yesterday, and I hope today is better.
Well I've been into watching movies lately. Last night after I came home from Josh's, I watched Edward Scissorhands. Josh let me borrow it, and told me to watch it, so I did. Everybody was like freaking out cause I'd never seen it before. I guess I'm behind times. Idk. But, anyway, it was a FANTASTIC MOVIE. I loved it. Idk, tho. I found it rather sad, when the girl wanted him to hold her, and he couldn't. That, and after that last night, they never saw each other again. Idk. I obviously know its fictional, but it's just sad. I was kind of upset about the ending. I don't want extremely predictable endings, but I don't want sad ones either. lol. What can I say? I'm hard to please, I guess. Well, after that, I talked to Zach for a pretty long time, which was nice. It's hard to just talk during the week w/ band and all that crapola going on. Not that I don't want to go to band or anything, it's just exhausting, and alot of the time ppl are cranky. I went to bed at like 10 something which was AMAZINGLY EARLY. I'm used to hitting the bed anytime between 11-2. The part that is insane tho, is that after going to bed early, I didn't wake up till 10:58. Over 12 hours. Nice. Although, in a way, I knew I needed sleep, I have a hard time sleeping at night sometimes. Not because I'm sad or anything, I just think about alot of things when I lie down. Well, today, I found an old movie. I'm not sure how I feel about it. It contained a lot of emotions. It was my 2nd bday party. My bio dad was there, and his parents, along w/ everybody else. It was nice to watch, but it's kinda sad on a level. I wonder if he knew that years later we wouldn't be a family and all that. *Sigh* Idk. I guess overall, it was nice to discover that movie, when I'd been thinking about my old family. The WEIRD thing tho, is I watched it w/ my step-brothers/sister. Funny, huh? Well that's about all. I have to go to band in a little bit, so I guess I better get ready. *Sigh* I'll see all of you there. So, that's all for now. Bye*
Well, today has had it's ups and downs. I thought it would be just another day, but I finally got to do something w/ Zach(outside of band) It's really frustrating, because I never have any "alone" time w/ him. No matter where we are, there's always someone there, staring @ us. I guess ppl just don't understand that couples need alone time. Well, anyway, Zach came over for a few hours. It was pretty fun, but once again we weren't alone. *Sigh* O well. I got my hair cut right before Zach came over. I'm still contemplating whether I like it or not. So far, I'm not crazy for it, but since I can't exactly glue my hair back on, I'll live w/ it. I was so devastated when the lady was done. I DIDN'T WANT IT THIS SHORT. *Sigh* O well, we can't go back. I'm just super glad Zach said he liked it, and comforted me. I hope he meant it. Well, I have to go to bed, because I have to go to work @ 7am. Gah. I'll see you all later. Bye.
Thursday: Band sucked. It was a disaster. Cheering was fun tho. Friday: Overall fun, but dissapointing, because I honestly thought I did rather well.
I know we need to stay home and practice Tuesday, but I really want to go to Jay. Contests are so fun. *Sigh* This sux. Well, today I was supposed to be at work at 7am, which means I would have had to get up at 6, after getting in around 2am. So, I called in. I'm glad I have a free day, but I'm so anxious. I need something to do. *Sigh* And, Amanda's going home today, which is gonna suck. I'm not gonna have anybody to talk to, once again. I'm gonna go get my hair cut later. That keep me occupied for a while. I'm gonna get it kinda short, but not too short. My hair has been killing me lately. (No, Amanda, it hasn't been "choking me"..only u'r mom w/ the choke laugh) The bus ride home last night was fun. Everybody was so out of control, especially Sheldon. My God. He was getting all excited, using my phone. He thought he was a rock star every time the phone would go off. (Ha Ha) Is it just me, or is it insane, being w/ the band 24-7, then all of a suddne not seeing them? I miss you ppl. OWW. Alright, children, that's all. I'm off to see the wizard. lol. Maybe I should wear my wicked shirt. Nope. The judges hate us. Darn. Sry, I'm out of control. Ok, bye.
Well, it's morning. The morning of our 1st contest. The rest of the season kind of is determined by this contest. I mean, once the judges see where we place at a couple of the contests, they get an idea of where to put us. That, and it gives us an idea of who's "for real" this season.
The sun burn is still on fire. *Screams and runs around trying to put the fire out* But, I managed to get about 6/7 hours of sleep. I always roll back side to side, but I couldn't last night. So I was very uncomfortable. O well, I'll be fine, I hope. :)
I'm kind of excited about this contest. I hope we're ready. Idk, I just want to ..be in the top 3...I honestly know that this is not a realistic goal, but I can't help but not be satisfied until we reach an upper level.
The thing about band is, I think we could have performed WICKED and it have been VERY NICE. Given, it'd be short, but it'd be clean. But, now that we're puting FOR GOOD in with it, it just becomes messy.
Some people have the ability to turn their game on for contest, doing the best, they possibly can. I hope our whole band does this. *Sigh* I just..hope the freshman don't freeze with an audience in sight.
O well. I refuse to say any more about it. That's about it, kids.
Well, Amanda and I both stayed home. Mom thinks it was a smart move. We're both still in so much pain. I can't imagine putting that hot, scatchy, heavy, and suffacating uniform on tomorrow. *Sigh* It's going to hurt like none other when it touches my shoulders. MIKE TINSLEY im'd me and told me I was on the front page of the newspaper. I'm such a star. When I work, I'm sure people will recognize me, just like a real-life celebrity. Ha Ha. I don't look quite as retarded as I instantly imagined myself looking, so that's a plus. Every time I walk outside, my body feels like it catches on fire. Not because it's hot out. I mean, come on, I'm used to the heat. Idk, it just feels like my burn catches fire. I'm out of control, cause mom insisted we get some STARBUCKS. I'm thinking it wasn't a great move tho, cause my stomach is sure upset about it. Well, that's about it, children. O! If anybody knows what time to be there tomorrow, PLEASE tell me. lol. I'm um, not sure. Well, I'm going to go apply some alo-vera, and make retarded wishes that this would be instantly gone.